amateur stoner

25 October 2000

Sleep is completely eluding me tonight. Usually it's not too bad... I'm rarely sleepy when I go to bed, but Cyn falls asleep quickly enough and I usually find myself drifting off not long afterward. Tonight... nothing doing. I didn't want to toss and turn and wake her up -- besides, she was snoring, so I couldn't fall asleep even if I'd wanted to. Which, erm, actually I did. Want to, I mean.

I think the illegal substances I smoked earlier are kicking in. My fingers are going all dyslexic and shit. Usually I'm not the type to hit the bottle or the bong before bed, but tonight I was tired of not being able to fall asleep, so I decided to give myself a little nudge. Well... I'm not a smoker, at least of tobacco, and I'm not too used to inhaling smoke. The first hit off my pipe singed the back of my throat and I damn near fell out of my chair choking. Nyergh. Ow. That sucked, man. I think I fried off a layer of skin back there.

So I decided I needed to roll a joint. Another problem: no rolling paper. What kind of stoner am I, with no rolling paper? I ask you. (Sheesh... these kids today.) Desperate times and all that being what they were, I grabbed one of Cyn's Marlboros and a toothpick. I scraped the tobacco out the end of the cigarette, tore off a little of the end, then broke the filter off and started on it from the other side. I impaled the cigarette paper a couple of times and had to tear off even more. Then I twisted one end and dribbled green stuff in the other, packing it with the toothpick. This whole process took about fifteen minutes.

By the time it was done, I had a doob. It was about an inch long, but it smoked the same. I got four or five good puffs off the thing before I had to drop into my Coke can ashtray and call it even, lest it burn the tips of my fingers. Not as much as I wanted, but probably enough to take the edge off my energy and put me into a dream state.

It's probably a terrible, horrible thing of me to say, so cover your ears, kids; but having a quiet joint really is one of the best ways I know to relax. You don't have to get baked, just inhale enough to put a warm, Vaseline-lens glow on everything. Me, I smoke about once every couple of months -- it's not a regular thing -- but I tend to save it for a really, really shitty day, preferably when I have a room available with lots of ventilation.

Ooh, my eyeballs are shrinking. Cool. Well, not shrinking. As such. They're just feeling really dry, like they're shriveling up. Weird.

Well, that was vivid.