it's a conspiracy!

19 July 2002

All of our animals are out to get me. I swear to Christ.

1) For the past week, I have not slept well in the least. Would you like to know why? Let me tell you why.

I have always had trouble sleeping; probably it's my damn ADD, but whatever the reason, I can never fall asleep. When I do, it's always after Cyn has been happily snoring away for approximately an hour. Consequently, I don't get much sleep during the week.

For the past week -- WEEK -- I have drifted toward dreamland a bit at a time every night, and riiiiight when I'm teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, the fucking dog barks. Loudly. She lets out two short, sharp barks, for no apparent reason, and then falls silent. Of course, this jolts me awake and provokes a steady stream of slurred curses while I wrench open the door to her crate (she's crated at night) and put her outside so I can sleep. Every. Night. For. A. Week.

I am one tired, cranky bitch right now.

I think Corky has figured out if she wakes me up, she gets to go run around the back yard all night and harrass the next door neighbor's Labrador Retrievers. Tonight I'm going to throw a shoe at the crate and leave her in there. Muahahaha.

2) Solaris consistently parks himself on the bed right where my feet need to be and will not be moved. If you reach down to move him to a more optimal spot, he yowls at you. Short of actually, physically tossing him off the bed, there is no way to resolve this.

3) Jack the Cat Planet, our newest feline, sat in the doorway of the bedroom this morning with his paws crossed demurely in front, blinking up at me with big round kitty eyes. He looked content and peaceful as he purred at a constant low rumble, tail twitching slightly.

One would almost not believe he'd just dropped a toxic bomb in the cat box, refused to cover it up, and walked away from it.

I do love them. I do, really. But I'm still going to make hash out of every one of them and serve them over toast before it's all over with.