getcher frozen pastry here!

11 July 2002

The network guy came into my cube just now waving a couple of sheets of paper. "Pastry? Frozen pastry?"

"Dude. What?"

"I'm selling breakfast pastry. Here." He handed me the sheet. It was one of those fundraising type forms, I think. The item in question looked like a loaf of bread, only it had icing on the top.

"Oh man, I so can't. Sweet starchy crap... that's my weakness. I can't feed my weakness."

"But this is gooood. Mmmm... pastry! Check it out! It's frozen, and then you thaw it out and bake it, and then you put the icing on and have it for breakfast. You know you want some."

"Dude. Don't tempt me like that... that isn't nice." I stared at the breakfast cake... it did look rather delicious.

"You wouldn't even have to, like, eat it, then. You could keep it frozen. In your freezer."

"What good would that do me?"

"Well... you could bludgeon people with it if you had to."

"I already have a baseball bat at home."

"Yeah, but you know, a baseball bat? That would get you in trouble. Beating people with frozen pastry isn't a chargeable offense. I don't think."

"You are one strange motherfucker, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah. So. Um... frozen pastry?"

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"Ah, well."

This is my life, y'all. I couldn't make this up if I tried.