can the sidekick speak?

5 February 2003

I've decided I need a theme for this place. I mean, Blue has a theme -- food -- and she writes witty entries about food and life and such like that. I can be witty too! Erm, sometimes. But whatever shall my theme be?

"Drunken Ramblings of a Semi-Charming, Emerging Alcoholic"? "Diary of a Lesbian Spinster"? (Whoops; I don't qualify for that one any more.) "Conspiracies and Paranoid Schizophrenia: They're All Out to Get Me!"? "Girls Gone Wild 14"? No, no, no. All these things, they are mere bagatelles. What everyone wants to see in a blog/journal site -- everyone -- is high drama. Oh, yes. And drama? Y'all, I'm a Southern woman. I can just flat do drama.

Henceforth, this site shall be known as "Agitation, Titillation and Instigation: A Springer-esque Web Journal". All posts must use exclamation points and a breathless, discombobulated style. To wit:

BEFORE: "Damn, I think I just had a hot flash."

AFTER: "My brain was on fire! It was as if the gates of Hay-yell had opened up and I'd fallen right into the fiery pit itself! Oh, Law! Oh, I feel it comin' on again! The Change is a-gonna kill me yet, I swannee!"

BEFORE: "I'm getting kinda tired of hearing about all this Bloggie award stuff."

AFTER: "Oh, Law! They're all gonna scratch each others' eyes out and snatch each other bald-headed! I'm about to just swoon from sheer utter nerves! Just THINK of it! I just don't know how I'm goin' to survive!"

I think you get the idea. This is what I call the Florence King School of Theatrics, and it is the only way to do drama, particularly of the 'Net variety.

So go on! Let's hear some bitchy, snarky comments, preferably about other peoples' blogs! Let's get all these humorless fucksticks all wound up until they start screaming from sheer frustration! Bring on the melodrama, babies!

P.S. Just kidding about the name change thing. Don't go changing your links. God knows even I don't want to type that into a URL.